die Entscheidung

I have been spending a large amount of time reflecting on my future recently, and one of the seminaries I am applying to asked me to write an essay outlining my most pressing theological question at this point, as well as a couple answers. I decided to write about something I have been mulling over a lot lately, and I thought I might share it with you guys...

As I prepare my heart and mind for the idea of beginning seminary this year, I am greeted with a myriad of soul-searching questions. The one that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind, however, is the question of how our free will as humans coordinates with God’s omniscience. For as long as I can remember, I have been taught that God has a plan for each of us, a map for our lives, and a time for each gift He bestows. I have also always been under the impression that He is omniscient, knowing our choices before we make them and our innermost desires better than we. In conjunction with these two ideas, there is however a  third, and somewhat converse idea. This third idea is the notion of free will, with which humans are able to choose their own fate from many options. If God is this all-knowing father, who cares enough to plan our days, then how exactly can we be free-thinking creations with decisions of our own? Are our choices really “choices,” if they are all merely part of God’s plans for us?
    In my meditation on this question, I have come to two possible conclusions. The first of my two answers is based on the idea that God’s omniscience is just that- He “knows” the choices we will make. Perhaps God is aware of the paths our lives will take, as well as the decisions we will make to discern those paths, but there is nothing He can do about our choices. We have options, which are presumably from God, and He allows us to choose, but He does not affect the choice. He merely provides them, and knows which we will inevitably choose. To view God through this lens is somewhat difficult, though, because it paints him as omniscient, but maybe not omnipotent. If He is only aware of our choices, but cannot affect them, is He all powerful? I guess this is where the gift of “free will” comes in to play, though. Maybe God is suspending His omnipotence by giving us the real option of choice. This does not, necessarily, weaken His power, but rather strengthens his benevolent characteristics.
    The second option I have for answering this question is one which gives credit to the idea of many paths. Maybe the question of free will and omniscience can be solved by considering that God has many plans for each of us. Maybe as we make our choices, His knowledge of the future changes, and causes him to set another path before us. It is possible that God’s knowledge of our future is dependent upon the choices He allows us to make, and as we choose, the future becomes clear to Him. This would, however,  challenge His omniscience, if humans were able to “switch things up” on Him so easily.
    Both of these answers are somewhat hard for me to completely comprehend and support, because I have spent most of my life thinking that God has a real plan by which we live our lives. Only lately, have I started taking a hard look at that thought process and found it to be a bit Puritanical. For most of my life, I have felt a call to ministry, and I believe that the idea of that call and vocation have helped me to ignore my reservations on this topic of a “plan.” I absolutely believe that God is involved in our daily lives and choices and I know He has called me to become a servant to His church. I do not, however, believe that I have not had a choice in my own life, or that if I had sat in my home for the past four years of college that any of the wonderful things that have taken place in my life would have happened at all- regardless of God’s plan. We are integral parts of “the plan.” We are the decision-makers and the catalysts for the things God has in store for our lives. Without our free will, God would merely be controlling His creation, rather than allowing it to flourish.
    In conclusion, this question of free will and omniscience remains just that- a question. These two potential answers may each hold a bit of truth, but I, as a human, cannot know the ways of God. I hope that in coming to seminary, I will gain insight into the heart of God and the way in which He shepherds his flock. I also hope that as I continue in this process of discernment, that God and His plan for me will be present and active, as I use the gift He has given us all, and make a choice.

I am so looking forward to this next adventure in my life, and I couldn't ask for more as far as choices go. My cup runneth over. (not part of the essay, lol)